For couples · Free guide
The Weekly Huddle
Twenty minutes, once a week, to look at how things are really going, before small things turn into big ones. Here's the whole thing, every question included. You don't need an app.
Why a weekly meeting works
Most couples only talk about how things are going when something's already wrong, usually late at night, tired, in the middle of it. That's the worst time to work anything out.
A set time each week changes that. Small things get said while they're still small. Effort gets noticed out loud. The week ahead gets a plan you both agreed to. It's the same reason good teams meet every week: not because something's broken, but so it doesn't get that way.
Before you start
- Pick one night and keep it. The same night every week turns it into a habit. Sunday evening works well for a lot of couples, to set up the week.
- Put your phones away. If you're using an app for the Huddle, keep just that one out.
- Twenty minutes, then stop. Set a timer. Ending on time keeps it something you both look forward to.
- One topic, not a list. Anything else waits for next week.
- If it heats up, pause. Say so, take 20 minutes apart, then come back, or move it to next week. A Huddle that ends early is better than one that ends in a fight.
- During the week, save it for the Huddle. When something bugs you but it isn't the moment, jot it down and bring it up on Huddle night, when you're both calm and it's already on the agenda.
The five steps
Step 1 · About 3 minutes
Look at the week
- Each of you: one word for how the week felt.
- What went well this week?
- Which day was hardest, and what happened?
- Did last week's decision happen? If not, what got in the way?
Step 2 · About 4 minutes
Celebrate
- Name one thing the other did this week that you appreciated. Be specific: what they did, and what it meant to you.
- What effort of theirs did you notice but never mention?
- What's one small win you had together?
Step 3 · About 7 minutes
Talk about one thing
- Pick one: something that bugged one of you, a decision coming up, or something you'd like more of.
- Whoever raised it goes first, without interruption. The other says back what they heard before answering.
- Ask each other: “What were you trying to protect?” Most arguments are two people protecting two different good things.
- End by saying one decision out loud. Small is fine.
Step 4 · About 4 minutes
Set next week
- Choose one area to focus on: the two of you, money, health, growth, or faith.
- Pick two or three small goals, at least one you'll do together.
- Each of you: one thing you'll do on your own for the other.
- Look at the calendar. Is anything coming up that needs a plan?
Step 5 · About 2 minutes
Commit
- Read the goals out loud.
- Each of you says “I'm in.”
- Couples of faith: close by praying one sentence over each other's week.
Busy week?
The 10-minute Huddle
One word each for the week, one thank-you each, then set next week (or simply keep last week's goals) and commit. Skip the Talk step and save it for next time.
Your first one
It'll feel a little awkward
That's normal. Keep it short, end on time, and do it again next week. The second Huddle is easier, and by the fourth it's just what you do on Sunday night.
Get the one-page guide
Everything above on one page, to print and keep on the fridge, or to save on your phone. Free, no sign-up.
Download the guide (PDF)Want help keeping it going?
R.O.S. runs the Huddle for you
R.O.S. is a relationship app built on how each of you is wired. It gathers your week for you (what each of you did, your daily scores, what landed), walks you through all five steps with a clock, and keeps next week's goals on both of your phones. It reminds you both on Huddle night, and you can follow along on two phones.
Questions
How long should a weekly meeting for couples take?
About 20 minutes. That's short enough to keep doing every week. On busy weeks, the 10-minute version still keeps the habit going.
What if we start arguing?
Pause. Say so, take 20 minutes apart, and come back, or move the topic to next week. Ending a Huddle early is fine. The point is to keep meeting.
What's the best day for it?
Whatever night you can both keep. Many couples like Sunday evening, so the week ahead starts with a plan.
Do we need the R.O.S. app?
No. This page and the one-page guide are everything you need. The app adds your week's activity, reminders on both phones, and goals that stay in front of you all week.
Does it work for families or coworkers?
Yes. Swap “the two of you” for whoever's at the table. Teams often do the same five steps in ten minutes on Monday morning.
Is this therapy?
No. The Weekly Huddle is a simple habit for couples who want to stay on the same page. It isn't a substitute for counseling. If you're in danger, call 911, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233), or 988.