For couples · Free guide
Weekly Check-In Questions for Couples
40 questions in five areas of life together, for a ten-minute talk once a week. Ask three or four, listen more than you talk, and stop while it still feels good.
If you only ask three
- What went well this week?Start with credit. Name one thing the other person did.
- What was hard?One thing, not a list. Listen to understand, not to fix.
- What's one thing for next week?Small and specific: a day, a time, who does it.
How to use them
- Same night, phones away. Ten to twenty minutes, somewhere comfortable. A walk counts.
- Pick one area a week, or three questions from anywhere. Take turns choosing.
- Both answer every question. Whoever asked answers second.
- Listen to understand. Repeat back what you heard before you respond. Save solutions for the last question.
- Write down one thing. One decision or one promise, and look at it next week.
- Want more structure? The Weekly Huddle turns a check-in into five steps with a plan for the week.
The 40 questions
RelationalHow we're doing together
- What's one thing I did this week that made you feel loved?
- When did you feel closest to me this week?
- Was there a moment you didn't feel heard? What would have helped?
- What's something you'd like more of from me next week?
- Is anything small bugging you that we haven't talked about?
- What did you appreciate this week that I may not have noticed?
- How full is your tank, from 1 to 10? What would add one point?
- What's one thing we're doing right that we should keep doing?
FinancialMoney, and the decisions we share
- Did any spending this week surprise either of us?
- Is a money decision coming up that we should talk about before it's urgent?
- What are we saving for right now, and does it still feel worth it?
- Is there anything about money you're worried about but haven't said?
- What could we cut this month without missing it?
- How much can either of us spend without checking first? Is that number still right?
- How were we generous this week, or how could we be next week?
- Where do we want to be with money a year from now?
PhysicalHealth, rest, and the load at home
- How have you been sleeping?
- What's draining your energy most right now?
- What would a real day off look like for you this month?
- What's one way we could move more, together?
- Is the house or the schedule asking too much of one of us?
- What's one chore you'd love to trade or hand off?
- Is there a health appointment either of us has been putting off?
- When did you last feel truly rested?
AcademicLearning and growing, on purpose
- What did you learn this week, about anything?
- What do you want to get better at this year?
- Is there a book, podcast or class you'd like us to try together?
- What's one thing you could teach me, or learn from me?
- Where do you feel stuck or bored right now?
- What skill does our home need that one of us could learn?
- What have you been curious about lately?
- How can I support your growth next week?
SpiritualMeaning, values and faith
- What gave you a sense of purpose this week?
- What's something good from this week you're grateful for?
- Are we living by what we say matters most to us?
- Is there someone we should be helping or checking on?
- What's weighing on your heart that you'd like me to know?
- How can I pray for you, or support you, this week?
- What do we want people to feel when they're in our home?
- How could we rest or reflect together this week?
Get the one-page guide
All 40 questions on one page, to print or keep on your phone. Free, no sign-up.
Download the guide (PDF)Let R.O.S. pick the question
One question a night, picked for the two of you
R.O.S. is a relationship app built on how each of you is wired. It picks Tonight's question from where your styles differ most and what you're focusing on, keeps a list of conversations you've had, and walks you through a twenty-minute Weekly Huddle with your week's numbers in front of you.
Questions
How often should couples check in?
Once a week works for most couples: often enough that small things stay small, rare enough that it doesn't feel like homework. Pick the same night each week.
How long should it take?
Ten to twenty minutes. Three or four questions is plenty. Stop while it still feels good.
What if my partner doesn't want to?
Start small and low-key: ask one question on a walk or over dinner, and don't call it a check-in. Lead with an appreciation question. Most people warm up when it feels like being noticed, not being evaluated.
What if a question turns into an argument?
Pause it. Say "Let's come back to this tomorrow," set a time, and keep it. Then go back to a lighter question, or end with one thing you appreciate about each other.
Can we use these on a date night?
Yes. Pick two from Relational and one from Academic or Spiritual. Leave Financial for a regular evening at home.
Is this a substitute for counseling?
No. Regular check-ins help couples stay close, but they aren't a substitute for professional counseling when you need it. If you're in danger, call 911, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233), or 988.